Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Holy Cow It's Been This Long???

I can't believe I've blown the blog off for this long. I am truly sorry and realize that all I have done is a disservice to myself since this is therapeutic for me. 

So, what has changed? In many ways, not too much. We're still living in the same place. I'm still working at the same place. There are times when financial matters feel like I'm swimming in a sea without land in sight. One thing has changed: there is a light of hope.

Later on this week, I have an interview with a family that has three children. Two of the children go to school during the day so I would only have to watch over the 4 month old. It would be a full time nanny job. I'm absolutely ecstatic. I do have two other possible nanny options but I want this really bad and it's the most promising lead. The pay would help a ton with rent and other concerns. I'm also stoked because I could finally work with children again! When I am around children, the world seems lighter, happier, and more promising. I feel in my element. Wish me luck!

On another note, I went to the GI doctor for the first time in years. I am going to have another colonoscopy to find out exactly what disorder I have. As a child, I was told I had Crohn's but told I have Ulcerative Colitis when I was older. I've been dealing with more attacks as of late that create sever intestine cramping, sweating, paralyzing pain, sensitivity to light and sound, fatigue, blood in stool, and nausea. It's absolutely horrible. I'm scared to have this test. One: it's a scary test to begin with. Two: I had this as a child and I don't have pleasant memories of these doctor's visits. Three and most importantly: When I had this test done (several times mind you) as a child, it was because the doctor found cancerous polyps. I'm so scared that they will find something dangerous again. My dad is looking into having that day off to be a source of support but I'm doubting he'll be able to be there. The test will be in about a week. Once again, wish me luck. Send your prayers please.

 On top of this, I've also been having problems with my boyfriend. There have been arguments over him respecting me and defending my honor. All couples have problems, and I acknowledge this. I'm sure it'll be something that we'll either get over or sweep under the rug but it sucks that I haven't had a chance to see my counselor.

I had today (technically yesterday) off from work but I don't feel like I accomplished much. I spent the morning hours stressing over financial problems. I wasn't able to fall asleep the night before so I fell asleep at about 2pm and slept on and off throughout the day. I normally don't do this unless my fibro fog and fatigue kicks my butt. When I'm at my job though, I never let it affect my work.

Well, I think I may take care of a few things and go to bed so that I'll be back on track. Things will be okay. They have to be. I'm holding onto this thread of hope and I believe in God, myself, and my family. Prayers and positive vibes are still greatly welcomed. ;)

Hope you all are having a great night sleeping!