Saturday, May 25, 2013

I took the road more travel

Maggie just had a seizure. Dad and I were both preparing to head to bed since we have work later today/tomorrow. Maggie called us over since she could tell she was getting ready to have a seizure. Dad sat beside her and helped calm us all. Even though we've seen Maggie have seizures before, it's also disturbing and scary to see her muscles contort, her eyes become glazed over, and see her lips turn blue from not breathing. It's a lot to deal with.

I stayed at Maggie's feet during the episode. When she started coming around, I started talking to her, tried to calm her, and held her for a minute before heading to my bed. (Remember, we are still in a hotel with one room for the four of us). Maggie is now sleeping after being exhausted from the episode. I pray she doesn't have anymore tonight.

I worry about her having a seizure while Dad and I are at work. Mom would be the only one available to care for her and she is disabled. She does not have the strength to turn Maggie on her side nor the ability to bend down to the ground, etc, etc. Most of the time, Maggie helps take care of Mom, as do I and Dad. I consider both Mag and I partial caregivers for Mom.

This also scares me because with Mag and I's disabilities and limits, I worry that we can't effectively take care of Mom. It's already sometimes hard balancing work, personal life, and helping around the house. A lot of times, I do the research and make the calls for finding a place for us to stay, search for Craiglists cars, help pay for rent, etc. It's my job and I am not complaining about it. At times I struggle with living this life instead of the one I had planned (getting ready to graduate from college, studying abroad, have a home and a car, have our family healthy, and live without clinical anxiety, mood disorders, and fibromyalgia). While this path is not what I planned, I feel grateful to have a job, have my wonderful family, and have access to resources to improve my health.

Next time, let's hope the posts are more lighthearted, fun, silly, and even mundane.